Today is my first day off in 19 days. I have been working hard digging out of the hole left by several months of virtual, and then official, unemployment.

I come back to this blog humbled and filled with a new appreciation for the things that I have and my ability to earn a living for myself and my family.

It’s been a rough and punishing trip, but I’ve learned a few things, and I intend to go forward with a new sense of purpose, and to live my life with greater intention and direction. No more waste. No more indecision. No more fear. No more procrastination.

6 months ago I prayed that God would make me a stronger and better person. Practically the next day, work dried up, and life got really, really hard. I was thrown, so to speak, into a financial and emotional meat grinder.

For a time my confidence and pride kept me from admitting that I could fail. But as the weeks passed by without success, my faith in myself began to crack and break away, and at some point I realized with terrifying clarity that I am not invincible. I am, in fact, a mere speck in the universe and that my existence is preserved only through the grace of God.

Each day that we live is a gift from God, and something that we have no power to create ourselves.

Today, I realize that though I don’t always deserve it, God blesses and takes care of me (his undeserving and rebellious child). I also know that the last 6 months of soul crushing hardship was an answer to a prayer. It was a tough pill to swallow but it had the desired effect. It has made me a better person!

And the prayers for help that I cried out out on those dark nights he answered too. And through hard work and with God’s help, I am nearly out — out of that great pit. But I needed God to line things up and make a path for me. I still do.

Sorry if I’m sounding preachy. But looking around at the world today, it’s seems like maybe a little more preaching is needed. You can get your fix of mindless crap on “The Family Guy” later if that’s what you think you need.

I know God hears and answers prayers. He knows what you need. He knew that what I needed was a good solid butt kicking, and he loved me enough to give it to me when I asked for it. And when I couldn’t take it any more, I cried out to him for relief, and he gave it to me, but only after I relented in my stubborn pride and admitted that I couldn’t do it myself — that I needed his help.

I needed to be shown that I am capable of failure. (Not that I have never failed at anything — I have; but I always thought that my failures were simply due to not giving 100 percent, a personal choice which I could change if I wanted.)

I had to be forced down to the floor despite all my efforts before I could see that I can’t always win every battle on my own. Intellectually I knew it, but I never really believed it in my heart.

Now I do.

Going forward I am and will be more grateful for the blessings in my life, and I know that I need to prepare for the future and have a relationship with God, who is the only one who can truly save me. Nothing I have ever done has been by my own hand, but by his hand, because were it not for him, I wouldn’t have a hand at all. He has given it to me.

No doubt, times will get tough again. Rough roads lie ahead. Don’t be like me and think it can’t happen to you. Prepare for it, and be ready.

Get to know God. He loves you, and will help you when you need it.

It’s new year — 2010 — lets do this one right!

-Paul